Sunday, May 11, 2008

Oasis

My own little corner, safe, controversy free.

Why am I reading more and more things about our Panth lately that are breaking my heart?

[ediT {yes, I'm still doing that!}: above posted at 8:21 PM]

Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa Waheguru Ji Ki Fateh!

Okay. So. I was on the forums again today after I don't know how many months, and after reading through a few very heartbreaking threads, one really dumb one, and some good ones that no one really seemed to care about, I read this one and listened to some good Kirtan, then read this one, and felt pretty stupid.

When I walked into Darbar this morning, the stage was full with about 3 different Ragi jathhas and some miscellaneous Singhs, and the main Ragi was talking about how Waheguru Ji gives us everything we needs, and how he takes care of us {exactly what singhbj is talking about in that second thread}, and he also used the thuk

ਦੇਦਾ ਦੇ ਲੈਦੇਿਕ ਪਾਿਹ॥
The Great Giver keeps on giving, while those who receive grow weary of receiving.

While I listened to him emphasize this point again and again with so much josh, I felt almost as if there was an invisible hand sort of squeezing my heart. I've gotten much better about wanting things - we all do with age - but when my turn finally came to walk up and speak with Guru Ji, and bow my head to Him, my Ardas was very different from usual. I heard myself ask nothing this time, nothing at all.. It was a strange feeling, but a good one, not asking Guru Sahib to give me anything at all, or the Panth. I felt so.. free. Like I was no longer bound to all these ups and downs that we face on earth, as individuals and as a collective, a community. I mean, why do I have to ask for anything, anyway? He's taking care of me, of us all - He always has. He knows what He's doing, and doesn't need 'reminders' from me, right?

I thought about blogging about that, but had completely forgotten about it as so many upsetting events throughout the day pretty much drove it out of my head. I can't keep letting the bad overshadow the good, I just can't. So even while the day was good, {it was Sikh Women's Appreciation Day at Fremont Gurdwara Sahib - can't believe the year's rolled around to this point in time once again, as I think about what I wrote here} at the end, I find myself feeling a little weary of all the goings on.

So, in a moment of fury and desperation, pain at the sight of the haalath of our Panth, I wrote what I did above. I forgot about the good things - the people in this Panth who are not as bad as the overall haalath seems. I can't allow that to happen..

Anyway, I guess that's my point. My concern. *sigh* Need sleep. At least now I'll fall asleep happy =)

bhullchukmaaf karna Jeeo.. I'm a total moron.

Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa Waheguru Ji Ki Fateh!

p.s. I was going to change the title, but couldn't think of anything to fit the new mood of the post. meh =/

2 Responses to “Oasis”

ss said...

*humbled*

TeraRoop said...

*humbled further by his humility*

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