Friday, December 29, 2006

TeraRoop's Return

is not exactly Novtej Veerji's predicted blogger return but a delayed return from India.

Yeah.. I should have made a post or something before I left - sorry to those of you who sent e-mails asking where I was, getting worried and the like - please maaf karnaa.

I will regale you all with tales of my adventurous rendevouz in an unknown homeland latttteeeerrrr.. after I finish four weeks worth of schoolwork in three days and take final exams =)

You're in for something that will make you pleased, I hope. I'm sure it could've been of better quality, but due to many factors far beyond my control, the product will be less than awesome.

But hey, it's okay. Life goes on. It'll end someday, but for the time being, it goes on.

'nough blabbering.

bhull chuk maaf Jeeo

Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa Waheguru Ji Ki Fateh

p.s. seven new Gursikhs were born today =)

woohooo!

p.p.s. don't be scared Novtej Veerji - I'm pretty sure anonymous Ji doesn't bite. And even if they do, I'll be the first to get bitten as they're commenting on my blog, and I'll protect you =)

p.p.p.s. r singh - samadhi de lagde

p.p.p.p.s. missed you too Satvinder Bhenji.. and got ya something =)

Thursday, November 30, 2006

Sakhian

Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa Waheguru Ji Ki Fateh

hiya =)

"Sakhian, GGSCF's fist publication made possible by children/youth who contributed towards last year's "Sikh Story Writing" contest, is a collection of over 10 stories and poems written by children varying in age from seven all the way up to seventeen. The book is an account of some of the most best-loved stories from our amazing Sikh history, all told with an imagination and voice that can only be found in the writings of our dear children. The book is not about simply telling and passing on stories – it is about inspiration and motivation to keep our spirit flourishing."

GGSCF - Guru Gobind Singh Children's Foundation is "
A Foundation run by children/youth with a vision to help other children meet their basic needs, while adding meaning to their lives, and carrying out the work in the spirit of the teachings of Sikh Gurus."

Looking at their Vision, their Mission Statement, their Values and Background, I have to say my heart is stirred. I love this. I absolutely love this. Youth helping youth. This makes me realize that my disappointment is foolish, makes me shove aside my pessimism, and truly believe that someone does care! Yay! Go GGSCF!

The above book is only $1.25. Buy it. Do it. You know you want to. Come on.... do ittttt! Just clickity on the image above, it'll take you to the information page about the anthology, and then buy it!

Please.

bhullchukmaaf
Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa Waheguru Ji Ki Fateh

Sunday, November 26, 2006

Research Paper Ramblings

I sit in front of the computer with a dull ache above my left temple, the remnants of a pounding headache that allowed me the relief of sleep only after three and a quarter or so hours of tossing and turning in bed, and a stabbing pain at the base of my skull where the knot of my keski digs into my flesh. My head hurts throbbingly, and the loud pounding is drowned out only by Kirtan from the October Bakersfield Smagam turned up to a volume slightly louder than normal. TeraRoop's mum repeatedly telling her to turn it down doesn't help much =)

There are thirteen tabs open in the browser, other than the one for this page, three of which have the Google icon, and the other ten of which start with either the names of Newspapers or the word 'Special'. What is TeraRoop up to?

That's right - it's that time of year again; term paper for history class. Which wouldn't be all that bad, only as TR's a senior this year, that means that the paper's not for a history class, rather for American Government. woohooo

I've thought about this before, but Wanda Sykes' book yeah, i said it, and my exasperating research on U.S. actions relating to Iraq have made me question American idiocy yet again.

I don't understand how the same people who wanted to impeach a president who (to my knowledge was pretty good for their country) had sexual relations outside of his marriage, don't want to impeach a president who very apparently, lied to them. Looking at it from a Sikhi point of view, I suppose what Clinton did really was worse, but, um, hello - Bush lies to the nation by saying that Saddam Hussein has banned weapons (which by the way, no one ever found and Rumsfeld undermined the British gov't by suggesting that Mr. Hussein destroyed them before the war even began) to either gain oil or avenge whatever happened to his father, or perhaps a combination of both. I'd be out there campaigning to get him impeached if I gave more than two hoots about this nation.

Yeah, I'm a bit of an ignorant child. There was a time when I cared, and after that came the time where I stopped caring enough to stop paying attention but still cared enough to wish I did pay attention, but I just don't care anymore. Honestly, my caring isn't going to accomplish anything - and you can't say if everyone had that attitude, where would this nation be, because that only applies to people with a voice, and I can't vote and don't care much for getting told off by mum for being arrested for protesting =).

*sigh*

Wanda Sykes made another point I discussed with myself back when it mattered; Bush is doing a hell of a lot to try and get Americans' attention off his blunder by focusing on things that either don't matter or can be resolved easily. I mean, he hasn't kept any of his promises (I love the cartoon my computer science teacher put up in her room about Bush's promised 'no child left behind' policy), and he's just shoving the spotlight around any which way 'til it hits something the less than focused U.S. resident will avert their eyes to. Gay marriage, steroids, etc.

rargh.

What am I doing? Eleven books, thirteen tabs, a pounding headache, and Kirtan that I want to sing along with but should probably turn off so I can think about stupid Bush and his idiocy instead.

I made this offer on Flickr and I'll make it again here: fifty bucks to anyone who'll write me a paper containing at least 1000 words on the 'Iraq war', endnotes included. Link me the sources, I'll do the bib, one endnote per para, I'll e-mail you the outline. It's due this Wednesday.

Okay, a hundred bucks, but that's IT.

Yes. I'm really that desperate.

=(

bhullchukmaaf
Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa Waheguru Ji Ki Fateh

p.s. that first para sounds Novtej Veerji-ish, hena? =)

pps HOLYYYY an hour just passed ?!

*falls off chair and doesn't move*

Friday, November 24, 2006

Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa Waheguru Ji Ki Fateh!

quickie for those who saw the post about Tom Stone's works - sorry, that wasn't meant to be public yet! i was sure i saved it as a draft, but i guess not.. apologies for any inconvenience, it'll be up shortly, as soon as it's completed.

take care all!

{sorry again.. =x}

bhullchukmaaf
Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa Waheguru Ji Ki Fateh

Wednesday, November 22, 2006

Never felt a purer grief.

=)

Sunday, November 12, 2006

I have amazing people in my life.

amazing = understatement of the next longest thing after millenium.

and all thanks to who? that's right. you got it. uh-huh, yup, exactly right.

i love you guru ji!

much love to you amazing people.. if only that were repayment enough.

Monday, October 30, 2006

Unsatisfied

Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa Waheguru Ji Ki Fateh

Waheguru Ji.. read this.. and check out yesterday's post..:


This Shabad is by Guru Arjan Dev Ji in Raag Maaroo on Ang 1096

ਮ: 5 ॥
ਨਾਨਕ ਭੁਸਰੀਆ ਪਕਾਈਆ ਪਾਈਆ ਥਾਲੈ ਮਾਹਿ ॥
O Nanak, the loaves of bread are baked and placed on the plate.
ਜਿਨੀ ਗੁਰੂ ਮਨਾਇਆ ਰਜਿ ਰਜਿ ਸੇਈ ਖਾਹਿ ॥3॥
Those who obey their Guru, eat and are totally satisfied. ||3||


Waheguru..

Waheguru Ji,
bhull chuk maaf karni Jeeo

Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsaaa Waheguru Ji Ki Fatehh

Sunday, October 29, 2006

Bread of Wood

Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa Waheguru Ji Ki Fateh


This Shabad is by Bhagat Sheikh Fareed Ji in Salok Fareed Jee on Ang 1379

ਫਰੀਦਾ ਰੋਟੀ ਮੇਰੀ ਕਾਠ ਕੀ ਲਾਵਣੁ ਮੇਰੀ ਭੁਖ ॥
Fareed, my bread is made of wood, and hunger is my appetizer.
ਜਿਨਾ ਖਾਧੀ ਚੋਪੜੀ ਘਣੇ ਸਹਨਿਗੇ ਦੁਖ ॥28॥
Those who eat buttered bread, will suffer in terrible pain. ||28||


bhullchukmaaf
Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa Waheguru Ji Ki Fateh!

edit.Waheguru Ji, maaf karna, I forgot to post the translation yesterday haha

Saturday, October 28, 2006

Waheguru

Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa Waheguru Ji Ki Fateh

"
ਵਾਹਿਗੁਰੂ ਜੀ ਕਾ ਖਾਲਸਾ॥ ਵਾਹਿਗੁਰੂ ਜੀ ਕੀ ਫਤਹਿ॥

First of all, I'd like to introduce to Sangat Jee the thuk:


ਕਹੋ ਕਬੀਰ ਗੂੰਗੈ ਗੁੜ ਖਾਇਆ॥
ਪੂਛੇ ਤੇ ਕਿਆ ਕਹੀਐ ॥4॥7॥51॥
(ਅੰਗ 334)

Let's leave it at that for now.

Waheguru. So simple to say, isn't it? Waheguru, Waheguru, Waheguru, Waheguru, Waheguruuu, Waheguru, Waheguru…Waheguru Jee. It is endless. He is endless. Yet we cannot bring ourselves to speak His name during our lives, which in turn will waste away.

So what is God, what is Eesar? Pramaatmaa, Bhagvaan, Rabh, Parbrahm? Allah, Waheguru? These Names are all for One Being, but Who is 'It', Which is this Being that no one can live without? Can we ever truly understand?

WaHeGuRu is an essence. 'He' is an Idea. The Creator of these things, He Himself is love and compassion, hatred and fear, beauty and what we call ugliness. Extravagance and simplicity, He is happiness and sorrow, panic and security.

But is He not also concrete? Is He not something we may feel – touch?

This brings me to "understanding God", as we put it. We oversimplify things, as they are in no way as easy to understand as we make them out to be. How do we describe God? How can I, an unworthy fool, make any sense of the Lord God? I could not do it in a lifetime of a thousand years, let alone within the confines of a handful of minutes. The more one speaks, the less one accomplishes.


ਸਿਰੀਰਾਗੁ ਮਹਲਾ 1 ॥

ਕੋਟਿ ਕੋਟੀ ਮੇਰੀ ਆਰਜਾ ਪਵਣੁ ਪੀਅਣੁ ਅਪਿਆਉ ॥
ਚੰਦੁ ਸੂਰਜੁ ਦੁਇ ਗੁਫੈ ਨ ਦੇਖਾ ਸੁਪਨੈ ਸਉਣ ਨ ਥਾਉ ॥
ਭੀ ਤੇਰੀ ਕੀਮਤਿ ਨਾ ਪਵੈ ਹਉ ਕੇਵਡੁ ਆਖਾ ਨਾਉ ॥1॥
ਸਾਚਾ ਨਿਰੰਕਾਰੁ ਕਨਜ ਥਾਇ ॥
ਸੁਣਿ ਸੁਣਿ ਆਖਣੁ ਆਖਣਾ ਜੇ ਭਾਵੈ ਕਰੇ ਤਮਾਇ ॥1॥ ਰਹਾਉ ॥
ਕੁਸਾ ਕਟੀਆ ਵਾਰ ਵਾਰ ਪੀਸਣਿ ਪੀਸਾ ਪਾਇ ॥
ਅਗੀ ਸੇਤੀ ਜਾਲੀਆ ਭਸਮ ਸੇਤੀ ਰਲਿ ਜਾਉ ॥
ਭੀ ਤੇਰੀ ਕੀਮਤਿ ਨਾ ਪਵੈ ਹਉ ਕੇਵਡੁ ਆਖਾ ਨਾਉ ॥2॥
ਪੰਖੀ ਹੋਇ ਕੈ ਜੇ ਭਵਾ ਸੈ ਅਸਮਾਨੀ ਜਾਉ ॥
ਨਦਰੀ ਕਿਸੈ ਨ ਆਵਊ ਨਾ ਕਿਛੁ ਪੀਆ ਨ ਖਾਉ ॥
ਭੀ ਤੇਰੀ ਕੀਮਤਿ ਨਾ ਪਵੈ ਹਉ ਕੇਵਡੁ ਆਖਾ ਨਾਉ ॥3॥
ਨਾਨਕ ਕਾਗਦ ਲਖ ਮਣਾ ਪੜਿ ਪੜਿ ਕੀਚੈ ਭਾਉ ॥
ਮਸੂ ਤੋਟਿ ਨ ਆਵਈ ਲੇਖਣਿ ਪਉਣੁ ਚਲਾਉ ॥
ਭੀ ਤੇਰੀ ਕੀਮਤਿ ਨਾ ਪਵੈ ਹਉ ਕੇਵਡੁ ਆਖਾ ਨਾਉ ॥4॥2॥
(ਅੰਗ 14)

Can you imagine, going through such things – living for millions of years on nothing but air, seeing neither the moon nor the sun, sleeping not even long enough to see a dream, being hacked to pieces again and again, and ground into the finest powder – and still not being able to realize God? Well, this is the truth. We can allow all these things to happen to us, to clear time for searching, we can do all these things to ourselves, but they do not matter, it is all a waste.

There is someone, however, who can tell us of our Beloved – our Satguru Ji. It is Guru Ji – and only Guru Ji – who can describe to us what Waheguru Maharaj is like. Guru Ji tells us of God, and what does He say?

Ik Oankar. He tells us, Satnam. We all know this, Kartaa Purakh, Nirbhau, Nirvair, Akal Murath, Ajooni Saibhan(g). He tells us right here what Waheguru Ji is! Aad Sach! Jugad Sach! Hai Bhi Sach! Nanak - Hosi Bhi Sach!

Still we ask, what is Waheguru? Alright, it is accepted His Name is true, that He is the Creator, that He is without fear and enmity, that He was True, is True, always and forever will be True. But what is He? Look at the Baani of Sri Jaap Sahib. Here even, Sachae Paatsaah Dhan Dhan Dhan Kalgidhar Dasmesh Pitha Ji has described Him extensively. Still we do not understand? Still we do not know?

Then what can mere mortals say about God that will explain Him to us, when we could not realize Him through His own words? For Guru Ji is God, God is Guru Ji, there is no difference,


ਗੁਰੁ ਪਰਮੇਸਰੁ ਏਕੋ ਜਾਣਿ॥
(ਅੰਗ 864)

or

Gur Parmesar Bhedh Na Bhaaee*

So when God Himself tells us of His endless qualities, why do we turn to other sources in attempts to understand Him? Why? Because we are incapable and unworthy. We are not yet at that avastha, the spiritual level, at which God is revealed to us. Countless many have tried and failed. Look at Sheikh Farid Ji even, who suffered interminably, searching for God, for Truth, for Enlightenment. Even then he did not stumble upon God through his own efforts, but realized the Creator only when He revealed Himself to him. One cannot even sing the praises of God through his own will. Yet we continue to try, only because God Himself causes us to search, to attempt. See how difficult it is? I've spoken for so long already, and not even scratched the surface.

God is indescribable. Guru Ji warns us of this. He says:


ਵਡੇ ਕੀਆ ਵਡਿਆਈਆ ਕਿਛੁ ਕਹਣਾ ਕਹਣੁ ਨ ਜਾਇ॥
(ਅੰਗ 475)

Our Pitha Ji tells us

ਅਦਿਸਟੁ ਦਿਸੈ ਤਾ ਕਹਿਆ ਜਾਇ ॥
ਬਿਨੁ ਦੇਖੇ ਕਹਣਾ ਬਿਰਥਾ ਜਾਇ ॥
(ਅੰਗ 222)

Without seeing Him, descriptions are useless. So what does the omniscient Being say? The One Who knows all, sees all, the One Who is all tells us of God. Guru Ji says of Him:

ਵਡਹੰਸੁ ਮਹਲਾ 1 ॥

ਤੇਰੇ ਬੰਕੇ ਲੋਇਣ ਦੰਤ ਰੀਸਾਲਾ ॥
ਸੋਹਣੇ ਨਕ ਜਿਨ ਲੰਮੜੇ ਵਾਲਾ ॥
ਕੰਚਨ ਕਾਇਆ ਸੁਇਨੇ ਕੀ ਢਾਲਾ ॥
ਸੋਵੰਨ ਢਾਲਾ ਕ੍ਰਿਸਨ ਮਾਲਾ ਜਪਹੁ ਤੁਸੀ ਸਹੇਲੀਹੋ ॥
ਜਮ ਦੁਆਰਿ ਨ ਹੋਹੁ ਖੜੀਆ ਸਿਖ ਸੁਣਹੁ ਮਹੇਲੀਹੋ ॥
ਹੰਸ ਹੰਸਾ ਬਗ ਬਗਾ ਲਹੈ ਮਨ ਕੀ ਜਾਲਾ ॥
ਬੰਕੇ ਲੋਇਣ ਦੰਤ ਰੀਸਾਲਾ ॥7॥
ਤੇਰੀ ਚਾਲ ਸੁਹਾਵੀ ਮਧੁਰਾੜੀ ਬਾਣੀ ॥
ਕੁਹਕਨਿ ਕੋਕਿਲਾ ਤਰਲ ਜੁਆਣੀ ॥
ਤਰਲਾ ਜੁਆਣੀ ਆਪਿ ਭਾਣੀ ਇਛ ਮਨ ਕੀ ਪੂਰੀਏ ॥
ਸਾਰੰਗ ਜਿਉ ਪਗੁ ਧਰੈ ਠਿਮਿ ਠਿਮਿ ਆਪਿ ਆਪੁ ਸੰਧੂਰਏ ॥
ਸ੍ਰੀਰੰਗ ਰਾਤੀ ਫਿਰੈ ਮਾਤੀ ਉਦਕੁ ਗੰਗਾ ਵਾਣੀ ॥
ਬਿਨਵੰਤਿ ਨਾਨਕੁ ਦਾਸੁ ਹਰਿ ਕਾ ਤੇਰੀ ਚਾਲ ਸੁਹਾਵੀ ਮਧੁਰਾੜੀ ਬਾਣੀ ॥8॥2॥
(ਅੰਗ 566)

However, in this materialistic world, there are so many people who we describe with similar words, who we think are beautiful, graceful, pleasing, with perfect features. So long as we are trapped in the maaya of His creation, this description is useless to us, because we feel as if we can compare someone else to it. Not only this, but Guru Ji also gives us another beautiful description:

ਗੋਂਡ ਮਹਲਾ 5 ॥

ਅਚਰਜ ਕਥਾ ਮਹਾ ਅਨੂਪ॥
ਪ੍ਰਾਤਮਾ ਪਾਰਬ੍ਰਹਮ ਕਾ ਰੂਪੁ ॥ ਰਹਾਉ ॥
ਨਾ ਇਹੁ ਬੂਢਾ ਨਾ ਇਹੁ ਬਾਲਾ॥
ਨਾ ਇਸੁ ਦੂਖੁ ਨਹੀ ਜਮ ਜਾਲਾ॥
ਨਾ ਇਹੁ ਬਿਨਸੈ ਨਾ ਇਹੁ ਜਾਇ॥
ਆਦਿ ਜੁਗਾਦੀ ਰਹਿਆ ਸਮਾਇ॥1॥
ਨਾ ਇਸੁ ਉਸਨੁ ਨਹੀ ਇਸੁ ਸੀਤੁ॥
ਨਾ ਇਸੁ ਦੁਸਮਨੁ ਨਾ ਇਸੁ ਮੀਤੁ॥
ਨਾ ਇਸੁ ਹਰਖੁ ਨਹੀ ਇਸੁ ਸੋਗੁ॥
ਸਭੁ ਕਿਛੁ ਇਸ ਕਾ ਇਹੁ ਕਰਨੈ ਜੋਗੁ॥2॥
ਨਾ ਇਸੁ ਬਾਪੁ ਨਹੀ ਇਸੁ ਮਾਇਆ॥
ਇਹੁ ਅਪਰੰਪਰੁ ਹੋਤਾ ਆਇਆ॥
ਪਾਪ ਪੁੰਨ ਕਾ ਇਸੁ ਲੇਪੁ ਨ ਲਾਗੈ॥
ਘਟ ਘਟ ਅੰਤਰਿ ਸਦ ਹੀ ਜਾਗੈ॥3॥
ਤੀਨਿ ਗੁਣਾ ਇਕ ਸਕਤਿ ਉਪਾਇਆ॥
ਮਹਾ ਮਾਇਆ ਤਾ ਕੀ ਹੈ ਛਾਇਆ॥
ਅਛਲ ਅਛੇਦ ਅਭੇਦ ਦਇਆਲ॥
ਦੀਨ ਦਇਆਲ ਸਦਾ ਕਿਰਪਾਲ॥
ਤਾ ਕੀ ਗਤਿ ਮਿਤਿ ਕਛੂ ਨ ਪਾਇ॥
ਨਾਨਕ ਤਾ ਕੈ ਬਲਿ ਬਲਿ ਜਾਇ॥4॥19॥21॥
(ਅੰਗ 868)

Again, we will fail to understand God through this perfect description, because we cannot relate to it. In this world, this society in which one's age, wardrobe, appearance at social events, money, and last name determine one's worth, how could we possibly understand that Being which is detached from all of these? Think – just ponder for a moment – can you possibly imagine anyone who is like this? Neither rich nor poor, beautiful nor ugly, happy nor sad. Someone who hates no one, and loves no one, has no enemies, but also has no friends, someone who is not angered by insults, nor pleased by compliments. Have any of you ever met anyone like that? If you have, please tell me so I may beg for the dust of the humble feet of such a beautiful being.

We still do not know what God is. We have been told that we cannot know, will not know – at least not through our own attempts. So why bother trying to understand? Do we question ourselves about others in our lives? Who is my mother, my father? My brother, my sister, my friend? Do we question what they do? No, we simply love them and let them do as they do. Do the same with God. We love our parents and we are grateful because they clothes us, feed us, house us, love, nurture, and care for us. Look around at your world and what God has given you. In fact, God is your world. Look at those things which we look past everyday. Earlier I spoke of God in His abstract form, but we overlook the fact that God is also 'concrete', per se. The obvious presence is Satguru Maharaj, Dhan Dhan Sahib Sri Guru Granth Sahib Ji Maharaj. Then we see God in our family and friends, who shower us with love, and are our support. But what if we go beyond that?

For example, God is the sea, amazing and unpredictable, strong, fluid, which houses countless forms of life. Those are also God. How amazing He is! He creates and sustains the very life in which He resides, from the whale to the plankton it eats, the shark to the sea slug. God is the bird that sings in the early hours of the morning, and God is the worm it feeds to its children. God is the snake that eats the mouse, and the mongoose that eats the snake. God is the eagle, and the pigeon, the owl and the popinjay. The crow and vulture, as well as the lark and the nightingale. God is the lion, God is the ladybug, God is the sheep, and the dog that herds it. God is the grizzly bear which will fight to the death to protect its young cubs. So can we fathom our loving Father, our Merciful Creator, who is also the turtle which abandons its un-hatched offspring at the shore to fend for themselves at birth, to battle merciless predators… in which the essence of God also dwells? There is a drop of God in every being. Beautiful God is the spider we fear, the one so many of us scream upon seeing and kill everyday. And God is also the intricate web it weaves again and again and over again, because we tear it apart and sweep it away. God is even the rock this creature crawls upon, and the dust that lies beneath it, because every creator is a part of His creation. God is the beautiful lotus and the muddy water it floats upon, God is the thorny weed and the plants it steals nourishment from. God is the overbearing and useless simmal rukh, and the small and fragrant chandan tree. God is the cow and the one who worships it, and God is the pig and the one who shuns it. God is all and everything. He is you, He is me, He is those who have gone and those who will come.

God is the child that cries out at night when it awakens in the dark, and its mother is nowhere to be found. God is that mother, that blessed mother who carries the blessed innocence, the purity of God, in her arms, and nurses it, and shapes it and molds it, as she watches it grow, God is that daughter who must one day leave her home, and He is the father who on that day must give her away. God is so many countless things, from the ant to the elephant, the murderer to the charitable, the wheat that must make our daily meal, to the chicken we may slaughter for our tongue's pleasure. God is beautiful, True, perfect, supreme, the light and dark, loud and soft, everything that was, and ever will be.

God is the Husband Lord, and we must become worthy to be His soul brides. The faithful one who is pleased only when her Husband has accepted her, the one who desires nothing else at all but Him. God is the one who gives her such pleasure and joy that when her friends ask her of her Husband, of God, she has no answer for them.

He is our everything. Is it even possible to be anything more than that?

Those who realize God describe Him in words unknown to us fools who have not yet done so. They have found and enjoyed their Husband Lord, but we cannot understand, nor can they explain to us. It is truly like the mute who has tasted sugar, and he cannot speak the words with which to tell the world of the sweetness upon his tongue – all he can do is smile.

-Gupt

Author's note: the above was written to be used as a speech.


ਗੁਰੂ ਜੀ ਅਤੇ ਸਾਧ ਸੰਗਤ ਜੀ ਬਕਸ਼ਨ ਜੋਗ, ਹੋਈਆਂ ਅਣਗਿਣਤ ਭੁਲਾਂ ਅਤੇ ਬੇਅਦਬੀਆਂ ਵਸਤੇ ਖਿੱਮਾ ਬਕਸ਼ਨ ਦੀ ਕ੍ਰਿਪਾਲਤਾ ਕਰਨੀ ਜੀ।

ਵਾਹਿਗੁਰੂ ਜੀ ਕਾ ਖਾਲਸਾ॥ ਵਾਹਿਗੁਰੂ ਜੀ ਕੀ ਫਤਹਿ॥

"

* I couldn't find this tukk - can someone help me out please?

=)

bhullchukmaaf
Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa Waheguru Ji Ki Fateh

Sunday, October 15, 2006

Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa Waheguru Ji Ki Fateh

More often than not, this blog breaks my heart.

Many times it causes my heart to soar.

But more often than not, it breaks my heart.

I'm taking a short unexpected break. Not that it really makes a difference, but I don't think I'll be visibly around for a while.

Take care, all.

bhullchukmaaf
Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa Waheguru Ji Ki Fateh

Saturday, October 07, 2006

I feel an intense need to curse

but I won't

This reminded me of the story posted below:


I can't wait.

Friday, October 06, 2006

A Better Place

Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa Waheguru Ji Ki Fateh

Waheguru Ji.. Waheguru

---

This story was written by Amritpal Singh a few years ago for the West Coast Sikh Youth Alliance resource magazine.

Originally taken from: http://a-fine-balance.blogspot.com/


A Better Place

"Arjun!
Arjun!"

Maninder's calls for her son upset the silence of yet another calm evening. As she walked down the stairs she noticed that the last remnants of the previous night's storm were barely visible. Such a storm was highly unusual for the beginning of June. It was as if the heavens had let out a repugnant wail and showered the earth with tears. Instantly, it seemed the gali had been turned into a muddy river. Maninder and Arjun had been sleeping outside at the time and the storm had caught them off guard. The instant Maninder tasted tears other than her own, she quickly put Arjun to bed inside. She moved her manji under cover and ran downstairs to prevent her few belongings from flowing out to the sea. The morning sun had dried up the tears just as rapidly as they were shed. Maninder had spent the better part of the day repairing the damage the storm had done. As she continued down the stairs, she thought to herself how quickly things change. Nothing is permanent.

Now, all was quiet in the gali as the curfew had taken effect after sunset. Even the normally immutable barking of Pundit Sharma's dog next door was absent. Rocky, like Pundit Sharma, was a law abiding canine that understood these curfews were a matter of national defense. Soon Ram, the chaunkidar would be making his rounds blowing his whistle and dragging his stick. Every night, the rhythmic chirp of Ram's whistle and the grating of his stick against the unpaved gali road would give Maninder peace of mind. For a measly few rupees a month, Ram's rhythmic chirping provided protection from goondas. Since the unrest started however, Ram's chirping seemed unnecessary. With soldiers and the occasional tank stationed at every corner, goondas were the least of everyone's worries. However, Maninder continued to pay Ram each month. His nightly rounds provided somewhat of an escape from the deafening silence of the frequent curfews. Furthermore, Ram needed the money. The higher caste Hindus in the gali, such as Pundit Sharma refused to pay him. He had no right to ask them for money; It was his duty to protect them (without soiling their property with his shadow of course). Ram was powerless. He was in Amritsar, far from his village, to make money for his family. Each month he would send all his earnings home so his daughter could go to school. He had told Maninder of his aspirations for his daughter one-day while collecting his fee. "I want her to have the best education possible Bhenji. Who knows, maybe she will be the first low-caste prime minister. You know Bhenji, I was the only one in my village to distribute sweets for a daughter being born. The others thought I was crazy! They gave me dirty looks. How could I not distribute sweets on such a joyous occasion?"

"Arjun is with me baitee," Maninder's mother-in-law called out from the drawing room. Maninder approached the drawing room with a sense of relief. With the curfew, she was always worried about his whereabouts. She stood at the door and watched as Arjun sat impatiently in his grandmother's lap. He was awaiting his favorite Sakhi. "Tell me Dadima, tell me why you chose my name." Each night without fail, Arjun would listen to this Sakhi with complete concentration and utter wonderment. Each night without fail, his grandmother Manjit would provide a twist, a variation in consonance and it would seem to Arjun as if he was hearing the Sakhi for the first time.

"Well, you my dear are named after the Great Sri Guru Arjun Dev Ji," she began as she slowly took the tangles out of his long hair. "He was the first Sikh Shaheed." "What does Shaheed mean Dadima?" Arjun asked with an inquisitive look. To Manjit's amusement, Arjun would ask this question every night. There was something about the manner in which Manjit answered, the distant look in her eyes as if she were in a much better place, that would cause a warm tingling feeling to spread down Arjun's spine. "A Shaheed, my love, is someone who sacrifices his or her life for his or her beliefs. Regardless of the torture or pain faced, a Shaheed never sacrifices his or her principles and welcomes death with open arms." Arjun began massaging Manjit's feet. They had become quite callous over the years. Each crack, each crevice on her dry skin was the result of a lifetime of struggles.

"Guru Arjun Dev Ji was our fifth Guru. In the early sixteen hundreds his arrest was ordered by the King, Jahangir. They wanted to spread Islam throughout the land, and they saw our Guru as a threat. He ordered our Guru to embrace Islam and to write words in praise of prophet Mohammed in the Sri Guru Granth Sahib Ji. Guru Ji refused to do so. Thus, he was tortured. On the first day, they forced Guru Ji to sit on the hot summer sand. The next day they sat him in a cauldron of boiling water. On the third day they sat him on a hot plate and poured hot sand over his head. Guru Ji uttered not one word other than the name of God. He embraced his torture calmly and in deep meditation."

"Didn't he feel any pain Dadima?" Arjun asked.

"One who is merged with the Infinite does not feel any pain my love. He or she only feels bliss, a sweetness beyond all our imagination." Arjun's spine tingled once again as that distance look returned to Manjit's eyes.

"What happened next Dadima?" Arjun asked as he quickly settled back into Manjit's lap.
"Well, Guru Ji's torturers realized that they could not sway him from his principles. They made him sit in the cold water of the Ravi river. Guru Ji was too weak physically to endure this and his soul merged with the ocean of Truth. So you see my love, regardless of the amount of torture, Guru Ji refused to compromise his principles. He had the power to do so, only through the meditation on the name of Akal Purakh. Your papa named you Arjun so that you may always remember to stand up for what you believe in."

Manjit froze. She had not meant to bring Arjun's father into the conversation. She hoped that Arjun had not picked up on it. She watched him as he slowly registered the last part of the Sakhi.

"Dadima."
"Yes dear"

"When is papa coming home?" Upon hearing this question, Maninder quickly walked in to reassure her son. "Soon, very soon," she said as she kissed Arjun's head and began stroking his hair. "Your papa phoned Chacha Ji's house today and said that he is coming home very soon. He also said that he has bought you a big toy!"

"Really mummy? What kind of toy?"
"A big toy tank!" she responded with an awareness of the irony of her answer. The look on her mother-in-law's face revealed that the irony was not lost on her either.

"Yippee! A toy tank!" Arjun screamed with excitement and ran around the room pretending to drive his tank. He had become quite good at playing this game. He knew that his father was not away on a trip. He was awake the night the police had come and taken him away. He remembered it clearly, the police, under the watchful eye of Pundit Sharma (he had instantly become an expert on police matters) broke through the doors in the middle of the night. They accused Arjun's father of hiding weapons and providing shelter to terrorists. They beat him badly. They pulled on his beard and stomped on his turban. They beat him until he was unconscious. All of this was done in front of Manjit as they had tied her up and forced her eyes open with tape. They then dragged Maninder to the bedroom. The shrieking of his mother was still etched in Arjun's head. He remembers peering from the top of the stairs as different men would walk in and out of the bedroom. When each policeman walked in, Maninder's screaming would return. After a few hours, the screaming had turned into a weak whimper. They then had put Arjun's father in a jeep and driven away. Shortly after, Arjun remembered hearing the chirping of Ram's whistle, protecting the gali from goondas.

Manjit thought that Arjun had slept through the night and invented a story about his father going on a trip. Arjun went along with it. He knew that it would make things easier. So, periodically he would ask when his father would return. Doing so, he thought, would make it seem as though he believed the story. Maninder did not talk for weeks after that night. She would spend her days staring into space and her nights sobbing with the skies. Arjun could not decide what had been worse, her painful silence or the stream of tears. He remembered being relieved nightly by the first sounds of her crying as at least she was showing some emotion, some life. He remembered the feeling of utter helplessness when the sounds were still there to greet him each morning.

"That's enough for one night Arjun, get ready for bed." said Manjit as she got her Gootka and began Kirtan Sohila. Arjun quickly got ready for bed and lay down beside her.

Ik Onkar sat gur prasad
Jai ghar kirat akhiai, karte ka hoe bicharo
ghar gavoh sohila, svrihu sirjanharo...

Arjun fell asleep to the sweetness of Manjit's prayer. That night his dreams were full of quite a mixture of images: images of Sri Guru Arjun Dev Ji sitting on a hot plate deep in meditation, images of tanks, images of the distant gaze in his Dadima's eyes.

"Time to wake up son." Maninder's gentle voice brought Arjun out of his dreams. Although disappointed to no longer be dreaming, Arjun was not upset. He enjoyed nothing more than being awoken to the softness of his mother's voice. "Can I stay in bed a little while longer mummy?" Arjun asked with a sheepish grin. He wanted to sleep in until the cha was ready. Maninder only let Arjun drink cha on occasion. She knew the caffeine was bad for him, but sometimes she could not resist his constant pleading. Manjit warned her that she was spoiling the boy but even she enjoyed watching Arjun as he drank his cha. He loved imitating his father, whose regular routine was to drink his cha with the morning paper. Arjun would get the paper, sit in his father's chair and browse through the pages while taking infrequent sips from his father's cup. Occasionally he would dip a cookie into his cha, only to have it break off before he could take it out. Then, like his father he would use a spoon to eat the soggy remains of the cookie. Maninder and Manjit had made a habit of just sitting quietly and watching him act like his father. It was not unusual for both to be in tears by the end of his cup. They both understood that all they had now were memories and Arjun's innocent imitations.

Wise to her son's intentions, Maninder knew just the thing that would get him out of bed quickly. "If you don't hurry, Dadima is going to start Japji Sahib without you." As expected, Arjun jumped out of bed and ran downstairs for a bath. He loved reading Japji Sahib with his Dadima. Together they would take turns reading the lines. He frequently tried to mimic his grandmother's tranquil state while reading. Each word would roll off her tongue slowly, purposefully as if she wanted to make sure each breath was deserving of the prayer The concentration with which she could pray amazed Arjun. What was even more amazing to him was that her focus was seemingly effortless.

Arjun bathed and quickly got dressed. He covered his head and settled in his Dadima's lap. "You're a little late today my love," Manjit said as she took her Gootka out of its protective covering. "Sorry Dadima, I decided to use soap today so it took me a little longer," Arjun quipped with his trademark grin. She laughed and gently hit his head. Both began to read.

Ik Onkar
Satnam
Karta Purkh...

Upon completing prayers, Manjit told Arjun to quickly eat breakfast and tie his patka. They were going to the Harimandir Sahib. It was the third of June, the anniversary of the martyrdom of Sri Guru Arjun Dev Ji and the government had decided to lift the curfew to allow pilgrims to visit the Harimandir Sahib. Maninder expressed her concerns fearing that it would not be safe. However, Manjit would hear none of it. "Even the government realizes how important today is for us. That is why they have lifted the curfew. If there was any threat of violence, why would they allow us to enter?"
After a little more unsuccessful pleading, Maninder gave up as she knew her mother-in-law would not be swayed. Furthermore, Arjun had already tied his kesri patka in anticipation and could hardly contain his excitement. It would not be fair to make him stay home, Maninder reasoned. She would not be able to bear the disappointment on his face.

The Harimandir Sahib was about 20 minutes away by foot. The galis were relatively quiet. As they walked, Arjun began to notice an increasing amount of soldiers and policemen positioned at various corners. Most of them had big rifles hanging by a strap around their shoulders. Some even had round things attached to their belts. Arjun had seen these before in a movie. The men in the movie would pull out a pin and throw them at the enemy resulting in a big explosion. Many of the men would smile at Arjun as he walked by and then turn to each other and laugh. All this made Arjun nervous. He questioned his Dadima as to why all these men were everywhere.

"Don't worry my love," she replied with her usual calming tone. "These men are here to protect us. They know today is an important day. Thousands of people are going to be at Harimandir Sahib. These men just want to make sure everything goes well." Arjun was reassured by his Dadima's words but there was still something very unsettling about the way the men smiled at him. He was reminded of the smiles of the men who took his father away. He was reminded of the way the men would smile after walking out of the bedroom in which his mother was screaming.

They entered the gates, took off their shoes and began washing their feet. Suddenly, a woman about Manjit's age approached them. She was in a frantic state. "Have you seen my son?" she cried as she showed them a picture. "He told me he was going to Harimandir Sahib, he has not come back. It has been over two months. I go to the bus stop everyday. He never comes. Have you seen him? Bhenji, have you seen him?" Not allowing Manjit to answer, she began to laugh deliriously. "He will come. He cannot leave his mother. You cannot hide him forever. He will come. I will go to the bus stop tomorrow. He will be there." She walked away laughing and waving her cane. "He will come. He cannot leave his mother." As Manjit and Arjun walked towards the Parkarma, they could still here the echoes of the woman's laughter.

The day passed by relatively quickly. Arjun and Manjit spent most of it doing Seva. Arjun loved doing Seva with his Dadima although at times he found it quite tiring. He was amazed at how his Dadima would find the strength to do Seva for hours at a time. What was even more amazing to him was that she would do it in constant meditation. In perfect rhythm the words would leave her tongue. "Satnam, Waheguru...Satnam, Waheguru." Each action, each breath was slow and calculated. Nothing was rushed.

Evening had come and Arjun and Manjit were getting ready to head home. As they headed toward the main gates, a woman ran towards them and told them to stop. "Bhenji, where are you going?" she asked as she tried to catch her breath. "We are about to head home" Manjit answered with a sense of hesitation. She sensed something was amiss.
"Haven't you heard? The whole complex has been blocked off. No one is allowed in or out."

"Why would they impose a curfew now after letting all of us in?" Manjit asked. She did not need an answer however, the look on the woman's face was enough. They had been sucked into a black hole. "Please come with me Bhenji, there is no time to waste. We are gathering in the Harimandir Sahib to take shelter and pray." Manjit and Arjun followed the woman across the bridge from the surrounding Parkarma to the Harimandir Sahib. Arjun was not quite sure what was going on so he kept quiet and stayed close to his Dadima. As he walked over the bridge, he noticed how peaceful and radiant the Harimandir Sahib looked in the emerging moonlight.

As they entered the Harimandir Sahib, they were greeted by the most harmonious of sounds. About fifty or sixty pilgrims had gathered inside and were meditating in unison. All had their eyes closed and were oblivious to their surroundings. Arjun was reminded of his Dadima's meditation during Seva. "Satnam Waheguru...Satnam, Waheguru." In the words lay a rhythm of perfection that pleased the ears and melted the heart. Manjit and Arjun made their way to the upper floor, sat down and joined the others. "Satnam, Waheguru..."

Hours passed by. Some of the pilgrims remained in meditation. Others just stared out into space searching for answers to questions they could not fathom. Arjun had fallen asleep in his Dadima's lap and continued to cling to Manjit's suit in his sleep. Outside it was silent. The birds of the night that normally feasted on food left for them by the Sevadars were absent as was the chirping of the of the city's countless number of crickets. Manjit was becoming quite anxious. She knew that Maninder would be a helpless wreck by now. Arjun was her whole world; without him she would cease to exist. Manjit knew she had to get Arjun home, regardless of the cost to herself.

While still deep in thought, Manjit peered out a crack in one of the windows. The Parkarma was vacant. She saw a few shadows moving close to the Akal Takht. They were older women and they seemed to be looking for better shelter. Suddenly, the shadows were no longer. They disappeared along with all other light in the complex. There was a complete blackout. Even the moon hid behind a cover of clouds as if in refusal to witness what was about to take place. The pilgrims inside the Harimandir Sahib continued to meditate.

The silence continued for another hour and then without any warning, the earth shook. Arjun was thrown out of Manjit's lap and against a wall. He began to wail not from the pain but from utter confusion. Screams could be heard throughout the complex. The army's attack had begun. Explosions continued at a frantic pace. No area of the complex was spared. The army shells were indiscriminate, unconcerned whether their targets were being used as shelters for pilgrims. Manjit and Arjun huddled together in a corner and closed their eyes. With each explosion, Manjit became more distressed; the next army shell could easily be heading their way.

The bombing continued throughout the rest of the night and into the morning. Manjit became more and more convinced that after destroying the rest of the complex, the army would come for the Harimandir Sahib. They could not stay there. They would have to escape somehow. Arjun remained huddled in a corner. He did not say a word nor open his eyes. He could not bear to see the suffering that he was hearing. Machine gun fire and the thunderous roar of helicopters had now joined the sounds of army shells exploding. As the army's attack intensified, the screams of the pilgrims slowly began to decrease in intensity.

Night fell and Manjit decided that it was too dangerous to stay in the Harimandir Sahib. Surrounded by the Sarovar, it would be impossible to escape once the army came their way. She quickly explained her plan to Arjun. "Arjun, we have to leave this place. It is too dangerous here. We are going to crawl on our stomachs across the bridge leading to the Parkarma. I need you to promise me that you will follow me and do as I say."

Arjun did not answer. He just sat there cross-legged, rocking back and forth. "Arjun my dear, can you promise me?" Arjun remained silent and just rocked back and forth while staring straight ahead. Manjit realized that he was in shock but she knew she didn't have the time to try and snap him out of it. She took his hand and led him downstairs and towards the main door. It was pitch black outside and the army's attack seemed to have subsided momentarily. Manjit got on her stomach, put Arjun on her back and began to crawl across the bridge and towards the Parkarma.

About one third of the way, Manjit was exhausted. She stopped to rest. It had been almost 30 hours since she had last drank any water. It was quite difficult for her to carry Arjun on her back while crawling. As she tried to quickly catch her breath, she heard the sounds of a helicopter's engine starting up in the distance. Frantically, she put Arjun on her back and continued to crawl. The helicopter was now in the air and approaching the bridge. Manjit tried to increase her speed but was unable to. Her old and tired body could take no more abuse. The helicopter hovered over the bridge and made a circle of light around it. It was making a target for the firing squads of the army. Somewhere in the distance, Manjit heard the firing of a cannon. It was over she thought. Her time had come to an end.

The cannon bell missed the bridge and landed in the Sarovar. A huge explosion followed and water was thrown at least thirty feet in the air. Arjun ended his silence and began to scream. The helicopter began to circle and adjust its target. Manjit knew that they would not be this lucky again. They needed to get to the Parkarma.

"Arjun, you must listen to me," she screamed. "Remember the strength of Sri Guru Arjun Dev Ji. He had the courage to face his torture head on. You must display this courage my son. You must make your Papa proud, and you must make your Guru proud. Can you do this for me?"

Arjun was silent. "Can you do this for me?" Manjit screamed again as she shook Arjun violently to try and free him from his silence.

"Yes Dadima," Arjun answered and without waiting for Manjit's instructions he got on his stomach and began to crawl. While he crawled, he began to sing. "Satnam, Waheguru...Satnam, Waheguru."

They were able to get to the Parkarma before the next cannon shot was fired. They quickly ran towards the Akal Takht. Pilgrims in a room on the ground floor heard them approaching and pulled them inside.

Upon entering the room, the smell of sweat and the sting of gunpowder almost overwhelmed Arjun. The room was full of pilgrims packed shoulder to shoulder. Arjun could not make out any faces as it was too dark. Arjun took a spot next to an elderly man and his wife. The man was crying. Arjun did not say anything at first and tried to block out the sounds of his sobbing. As moments passed, Arjun felt increasingly uneasy. He could not ignore the man's sorrow.

"Why are you crying Pitha Ji?" Arjun asked as he took a hold of the man's hand. The man's hands were quite frail. They failed in comparison, however, to the frailness of his voice as he began to speak.

"Look what they have done to the house of Nanak. They have transformed a place of love to one of butchery. The Sarovar where thousands of sons and daughters of the Guru have done ishnaan is now full of their lifeless bodies. Chants of Waheguru have been replaced by cries of suffering. The cold marble of the Parkarma has been stained with blood. This is not Nanak's house."

The man continued sobbing. Arjun wanted to do something to ease his pain. He quickly climbed into the man's lap and laid his head on the man's arm. Whenever his Dadima would cry, he would do the same thing and it always worked. Arjun would always fall asleep in his Dadima's lap and her tears would subside. Exhausted, thirsty and hungry, Arjun fell asleep in the man's arms to the backdrop of gunfire and bombs.

The bombing continued at intervals throughout the night. The departure of the moon and arrival of the morning sun did nothing to stem the attack. The army seemed to be focusing more and more on the Harimandir Sahib. Helicopters took turns making circles around it while firing. This was followed by heavy shelling, an attempt not to destroy the golden sheets of the Harimandir Sahib but to destroy the golden spirit of its visitors.

Arjun was awoken by a particularly fierce blast. He climbed out of the man's lap. He was still sleeping. Arjun could now see his face. He had a thick brow and a white bushy beard. Arjun wanted to wake him up and talk to him, but he seemed so at peace while asleep. Regardless, Arjun decided to wake him up. He tapped his shoulder and called out softly, "Pitha Ji, wake up." The man did not move. Arjun tried again, this time shaking the man's arm. The man did not respond. Arjun tried yet again, this time shaking a little harder and speaking a little louder, "Pitha Ji, please wake up." The man was motionless. By this time, some of the other pilgrims in the room had realized what had taken place. They quickly pulled Arjun away and lifted the man and carried him away. Arjun did not understand what had happened. He asked his Dadima but she would not answer. The man's wife was crying loudly. The man's tears had subsided; they had subsided forever.

Arjun lay in quiet contemplation the rest of the day. He was getting quite weak and no longer had the strength to speak. It had been almost two days since he had eaten or drunken anything. He began slipping in and out of consciousness. Manjit was very worried. She needed to get him water but going outside meant playing with death.

The frequency of firing began to decrease as evening approached. Then all of a sudden, a tank entered the complex under heavy firing. The tank had powerful searchlights. As the tank passed the Akal Takht, the pilgrims heard a loud announcement. "Please come out, God's blessing's are with you. We will return you home safe and sound." Manjit was frantic for water. She picked up Arjun, ran out of the room and towards the tank. Many others joined her. She fell while running. Arjun thought she had tripped and tried to pull her up. He noticed that her white suit was now becoming red. A soldier had shot her in the back. "Dadima!" Arjun began to scream. "Dadima!" She did not answer. Arjun looked in her eyes. That familiar look had returned. The distant look in her eyes as if she were in a better place.

Arjun stood there by his Dadima's bloodied body and cried. "Dadima, don't leave me!" he screamed over and over again. Suddenly, Arjun felt a sharp piercing pain, as if someone stuck a sharp knife into his back. Blood began to wet and stain his clothes. He too had become the recipient of a soldier's bullet. As he fell to the ground from the pain, Arjun saw a soldier standing beside his Dadima. The solider began to urinate on her and yelled out loudly, "How do you like your Amrit now?"

After some time, everything became white. Arjun didn't know whether his eyes were open or closed. He could not tell whether he was awake or asleep. He could not see beyond his own body, but in the distance Arjun saw a figure -someone approaching. It was a man on a blue horse. As the man got closer, Arjun could see that he was dressed like a king, yet his demeanor seemed
saintly. Finally, Arjun saw the man, and his spirit was as golden as Harimandir. Arjun saw the face, whose light shined brighter than the sun. He picked Arjun up and placed him on the horse and they began to ride off. As the likes of Pundit Sharma distributed sweets throughout India to celebrate the attack (as Ram had done to celebrate the birth of his daughter), Arjun and the man on the blue horse rode off to a much better place.

---

I got it from here.

Waheguru Waheguru Waheguru.. Waheguru Ji Waheguru Waheguru

bhullchukmaaf
Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa Waheguru Ji Ki Fateh

Thursday, October 05, 2006

So...........

.......... I'm converting.

Sunday, October 01, 2006

oh, no.
Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsaa Waheguru Ji Ki Fateh !

Sukhmani Sahib Kanthh!

Much better than I =)

There're a lot of things floating around my head that I'd like to post about, but on top of the fact that all of these things {excluding one*} are entirely useless, they're swirling too fast for me to grab hold of any one without breaking it. A piece of a post on a useless topic is even more useless than the useless topic was to begin with, hena? =)

Sooooo everyone have a beautifully lovely day, because I know I'm having one despite and due to everything all at once, and I'd like you all to have that feeling, too, so we can talk about it in front of a roaring blaze in a nice big fireplace with cups of hot cocoa when I come visit you all =)

This post is dedicated to everyone who thinks I'm a Gurmukh.

*Before you all start thinking this one topic is God, I should inform you that it's my grumbling tummy {yeah, I actually do want to write a post about that...so who's a Gurmukh now?? oh shhh never mind, don't answer that - I'll either get a "still you, you're just being humble and keeping it gupt" or a real smart one with a list of recognized Gurmukhs.. which, actually, wouldn't be all that bad...}

byee =D

Waheguru Waheguru Waheguru Waheguru Waheguru Waheguru Waheguru!

Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa Waheguru Ji Ki Fateh!

Friday, September 29, 2006

I'm so very saddened and disappointed.

It's really deep down, though, don't worry, I'm quite happy at the moment.

Waheguru Ji.. all's Your Will.

Right?

bhullchukmaaf
Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa.. Waheguru Ji Ki Fateh..

Tuesday, September 26, 2006

TeraRoop's a fool:

I am so amazingly blessed to know the people that I know

Waheguru Jeeeeeee

and guess what Brain, you inspired me to realize this

how was Spain? more importantly, where's my bull??

=D Waheguru! You are Amazing

dhandhandhandhandhandhandhannnnnnnn Guru Pyaarae <3

Happening

Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa Waheguru Ji Ki Fateh

A lot has been happening lately, but something in the public eye that really struck home was the drowning of three Gursikh veers.

There are threads on both popular forums, articles all over the news, and various posts by bloggers everywhere. Most of you already know what happened, but here are links to some write-ups and additional information about the three Singhs Harvinder Singh Ji, Satvir Singh Ji, and Tajinder Singh Ji:

Three Sikh Youths Drown - DiscoverSikhi.com, this is where I first found out.

Three Young Gursikhs Pass Away in Lake District Tragedy - SikhSangat.com

Lake District Tragedy: Sikh Community Grieves for Youngsters - SikhSangat News

There are countless news articles published all over the internet, many are linked to in the posts on the two forums. Here, though, I'd like to direct your attention to Solarider's blog, where he has written up a post including many reference links, one of which leads to a set of pictures of the Singhs who are physically no longer with us.

A few of the forum users have also posted relevant {who am I kidding, Baani is always relevant} Shabads, which had a great effect on me. Here is one of them:

ਕਬੀਰ ਸੰਤ ਮੂਏ ਕਿਆ ਰੋਈਐ ਜੋ ਅਪੁਨੇ ਗ੍ਰਿਹਿ ਜਾਇ ॥
Kabeer, why cry at the death of a Saint? He is just going back to his home.

ਰੋਵਹੁ ਸਾਕਤ ਬਾਪੁਰੇ ਜੁ ਹਾਟੈ ਹਾਟ ਬਿਕਾਇ ॥੧੬॥
Cry for the wretched, faithless cynic, who is sold from store to store. ||16||


What would we do without Guru Ji..? hah.

It took a moment for anything to sink in when I read the post on DS. At first I feel as if my subconscious tried its very best to control every other part of me. I could hear myself soothing myself {strange eh?}, saying things like it's okay, it's what's meant to happen. You love Him, and you trust Him, right? So you should be able to accept His will, He knows what He's doing, everything's okay.

And then the dam burst. I don't really know what I was crying over. I didn't know the Singhs personally, and it wasn't so much that they had
died. I've lost people in life before, and later in life I couldn't dredge up a single tear over any of them. But when I read about these three veers of mine who will no longer grace Sangat with their physical presence, something grabbed hold inside me. Everywhere in the posts and threads and whatnot, the Gursikh writers are reminding us as well as themselves not to waste a single moment, not to waste a single breath, and to take the time we have here to do Simran, to think of God, the only thing that will ever come of use.

However.. I felt as if not only have I wasted time by not doing Simran, but also by not attempting to know and learn from the inspirational Gursikhs around me. I never had a chance to meet them.. but just like with the deaths of Bhai Parminder Singh Ji, Bhai Charanjit Singh Ji, and Bibi Rena Kaur Ji, it was the reaction of the Sangat who did know them that really touched me. I took notice of how many people had something to say about them, from people who knew them their whole lives to people who'd met them for a few moments, to people who'd only seen them from afar. This is the gift of Guru Ji to His Sikhs - even a Gurmukh's appearance can inspire those around them. Their Baanaa, their glowing faces, peaceful and humble, their sweet voices and kind manner of speaking. What has our Beloved not given us? Do we lack anything? Then why do we still continue to ignore that which we must do, and turn our heads away, toward other things?

Just as before when three Gursikhs I'd never known died, and news spread across the Gursikh network, I was inspired this time, too, by the inspiration others took from these three Singhs. Dhan dhan,
fifteen years old and people who knew him spoke only of his sweetness and willingness, nay, eagerness to do Sevaa.

So, somewhere inside, and somehow... I am happy for them. Only God knows if they are with Him or not, none of us can say.. but the legacy and the prem, the true inspiration they left behind with those who knew them, and even those who did not, is their Sevaa. It is their contribution to the Panth, to the Sangat, to Gurmukhs everywhere.

Their bravery and courage, their true prem for one another, will not be forgotten. Just as years later people {including me} become teary-eyed whenever Bhai Paramjit Singh Ji, Bhai Charanjit Singh Ji, or Bibi Rena Kaur Ji are mentioned, people will remember and be inspired by Bhai Harvinder Singh Ji, Bhai Satvir Singh Ji, and Bhai Tajinder Singh Ji.

Here is one post that really touched me, especially the quote Veerji has included in what he has written.

Waheguru Ji.. Waheguru Ji

I've decided not to include the other happening I was going to write about. Who cares about what the Pope said to offend the Muslims? I'm astonished at the state of our world, that someone respecting someone else is something to hit the headline news.

bhullchukmaaf karni Maharaj.. Tuhaadi murakh aulaadh haan asi.. saanu kissi cheej da ki pathaa?

Waheguru Waheguru Waheguru Waheguru

Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsaaa Waaahheguru Ji Ki Fatehh

Sunday, September 24, 2006

notetoself: today's political speaker at Guruduara Sahib

g'night all
or g'day
or good something in between

it's so funny how we're all 8 hours apart.. {i can only think of two east coasters who visit this blog.. but those are rare anyway so y'all just dont count}

*sigh* schoolie tomorrow.

=)

bhullchukmaaf
Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa Waheguru Ji Ki Fateh

Saturday, September 23, 2006

Wait.

Wait

Happy Birthday, Papa Ji

I love you very much. I couldn't imagine having anyone else as a father - life would just be retarded without you as my Daddy {no offense to other wonderful daddies}

I know, I know, it wouldn't be like that, 'cause I'd be different too, but hush, I'm just trying to get this right =)

You've given me a lot. Yes, it was given to me by Pitha Ji through you, but as a mortal, I thank you for it all. I would not be the at least somewhat Sikh I am today if it wasn't for Guru Ji through you. You and I are so much alike and I am so conscious of it that if I were to lose you, I'd lose half of myself if not more. I look up to you more than you know, dear one, and I'd kill if you asked me to.

The cool thing is I know you wouldn't unless I already wanted to anyway. Cause we're just like that hehe

I know what you're going through.. and I know what you want to do, where you want to be. I want to do everything humanly possible to help you get that.

I know I've disappointed you a lot in life. I've never been the daughter I should be. Yes, you've been proud of me a lot, too.. but isn't that because of you and Mumma Ji anyway? Whatever I did to make you proud.. I learned from you, Papa Ji, and Mumma Ji. I'm nothing without you. I'm not my own person, no.. because I adore you, and I always want to feel and think what you feel and think. Most of the time it's naturally this way. One-fourth of the time it's because I'll give in and let go and agree with you {because we're both the same amount of right and wrong anyway}, and the remaining one-fourth is my rebellion where I'm just like you and refuse to give in.

I want to make you proud. I want to be what you want me to be, because you have my interest at heart, and you could never want to hurt me. I love you, Papa Ji, so veryy muchh, and I'm so very proud of you. We've had it easy, real easy, especially in comparison to others. But you, too, have gone through certain things in life that I wish I could erase, and take on the pain of into my own account. You're my inspiration, and you're my second brightest shining light {and I don't have to apologize to you for that because He comes first for you, too, doesn't He papa =)}

I'm always your LITTLE kid. always, always. My only regret is that I was born a girl, because if I was born a boy, I could stay with you a little longer. If I'd been born a boy, then I could do more things with you which I can't now because I'm a girl. But that's okay..

I don't know how to say what I'm trying to, but just know.. you're one of the most important people to me in this world. After Guru Ji I love you most {sorry amma}. I pray that someday I can make you soo proud that my disappointments won't hurt anymore.

Happy Birthday my silly daddy.. like me you don't believe in them but they don't hurt.. I pray with all my heart that you get what you're looking for.. I'd even give up my having it if you could only get this wish of yours.. because.. living without it, I know how it hurts.

I know you'll never read this 'cause you know I have a bloggie.. but you never read it =) you don't even know where it is hehe

I love you. =)

your daughter.. your jhallaa hehe remember you called me that on my first birthday and i started crying and ran to mommy.. and right into the camera hahah..

I love you =)

Waheguru Ji Ka KHalsa.. Waheguru Ji Ki Fateh

p.s. i'll reply to all comments {on mine and your bloggies} soon. pwomise.

pps. sorry mumma ji..

ppps. still havent said what i wanta say

w,ejgf,jgf,egf,gjefgw

thank You Guru Ji.. thank You.
=')))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Saturday, September 16, 2006

Urgent

please take a look and pass this around

http://forums.waheguroo.com/Avoid-Bagged-Us-Spinachand33-t16126.html

mum told me about it this morning but i forgot by the time i got the computer late in the afternoon

anyway, glad Bhenji posted it

be careful everyone!

bhullchukmaaf
Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa Waheguru Ji Ki Fatehhh

Friday, September 15, 2006

Listen, Dear Friends

hir Dnu sMcIAY BweI ]
har dhhan sa(n)cheeai bhaaee ||
So gather in the wealth of the Lord, O Siblings of Destiny,

ij hliq pliq hir hoie sKweI ]1] rhwau ]
j halath palath har hoe sakhaaee ||1|| rehaao ||
so that in this world and the next, the Lord shall be your friend and companion. ||1||Pause||

mm.. must format bloggie in such a way that the top most doesn't drown out everything else

having my own domain'd be cool.. but what would i do with it?

there it goes.. wants vs. needs.


tink

ohwhoa

Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa Waheguru Ji Ki Fateh

mann_kaum_layee_qurbaan says:

'You will never find a person who reads gurbaani consider life "worthless" '

What does that mean? What does that mean?

Oh, but it's true.. because even when life came to its very worst, one who reads Baani reminded himself that the problem of being tired of life and separated from God is not solved by ending life, because it is this very life which is your chance to end the separation.

Can we say.. epiphany??

Waahgurrrruu

=D

You're amazing. You're truly, truly amazing.

woohoo, no one beats my Guru Ji =)

waheguru ji ka khalsa waheguru ji ki fateh

p.s. thanks to dork for pointing out the obvious to a lost soul one night, who would've only elongated the time spent thus by taking their own life. you did an amazing thing, and i know for a fact that that still sort of lost soul is very, very grateful.

tinkaTink.

Wednesday, September 13, 2006

Maas - Flesh

Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa Waheguru Ji Ki Fateh

Thought I'd do this - it's probably not very helpful at all as many people will most likely see all of these things on their own {with the exception of Vikram Singh Ji's video, perhaps - but even that would become popular on its own with time *hint hint*} - considering I haven't blogged properly for months.

My first encounter with any reason besides "Guru Ji said so" to not eat meat was when I ran into this post on sskhalsa.com {Veerjeeee update! college is no excuse =p}. The video is horrific. As you may note from the comment I left on that post, I made the mistake of watching it only a moment after a full meal. Fortunately, I am not disgusted easily, but I was quite upset. I'm no animal rights activist, but the video moved me to tears. The animals are terribly, terribly mistreated, it's a gruesome sight. You can also download it directly through this link.

A post on the abuse of chickens on DiscoverSikhi gives a detailed description about how they are mistreated and what kind of suffering they must go through simply because people cannot control temptation and like the way they taste.

Having eaten chicken in my very young years, I can personally say that it's not so amazing that one will die without it. At the time it was a novelty - we didn't consume any other type of meat, and the extent of our eating chicken covered McNuggets {yeah.. lol} - and it wasn't so special. Lots of non-animal foods taste way better. I came to terms with my flesh-consuming past long ago, realizing that upon being blessed with Amrit, my life-slate had been wiped clean, my sins forgiven, and that past was no longer a part of me. Seeing how horribly they are treated, however, it's one of those things I'd go back and change if I could.

Vikram Singh has done the great Sevaa of narrating and putting together an approximately seven minute long video based on excerpts from Baba Iqbal Singh Ji's {Baru Sahib} book
Sikh Sidhant.

Take the time out to watch this video - it's not even seven minutes. I personally think it's wonderful, not only because I myself am a vegetarian and wholeheartedly promote vegetarianism {veganism.. ehh}, but because it provides entirely competent and well researched insight to the consumption of meat and its saddening consequences. The type of facts that are in demand these days as people become more and more educated and grow faithless.

If not in the name of God or 'humanity', then with your own health in consideration. Meat's just not any good.

There is also some Viaakhiaa on Maas uploaded to Sarabloh's Keertan {some of you may recognize him from SikhSangat/DiscoverSikhi} which can be found here. Interestingly enough, the Viaakhiaa is of this Shabad by Sri Guru Nanak Dev Ji Maharaj in Raag Malaar on Ang 1289 - check out some of the Thukks:

ਮਾਸੁ ਮਾਸੁ ਕਿਰ ਮੂਰਖੁ ਝਗੜੇ ਿਗਆਨੁ ਿਧਆਨੁ ਨਹੀ ਜਾਣੈ ॥
ਕਉਣੁ ਮਾਸੁ ਕਉਣੁ ਸਾਗੁ ਕਹਾਵੈ ਿਕਸੁ ਮਿਹ ਪਾਪ ਸਮਾਣੇ ॥
ਗੈਂਡਾ ਮਾਿਰ ਹੋਮ ਜਗ ਕੀਏ ਦੇਵਿਤਆ ਕੀ ਬਾਣੇ ॥
ਮਾਸੁ ਛੋਿਡ ਬੈਿਸ ਨਕੁ ਪਕੜਿਹ ਰਾਤੀ ਮਾਣਸ ਖਾਣੇ ॥

SikhiToTheMax translates the first Thukk to mean "The fools argue about flesh and meat, but they know nothing about meditation and spiritual wisdom." Alright, that makes sense. Then the second line is quote to mean "
What is called meat, and what is called green vegetables? What leads to sin?" Here is where some questioning begins in the mind - the Shabad seems to be implying that there is no difference. Which also makes sense if you think about it.. because when one is a true Gurmukh, nothing makes any difference to him/her. They have no temptation or desire for certain tastes or things, so they will not desire meat, and even if they consume meat, it will be no different from a vegetable for them. The third line is then interpreted thus "It was the habit of the gods to kill the rhinoceros, and make a feast of the burnt offering." And the fourth is translated so: "Those who renounce meat, and hold their noses when sitting near it, devour men at night."

Interesting...

The next two lines are these:

ਫੜੁ ਕਿਰ ਲੋਕਾਂ ਨੋ ਿਦਖਲਾਵਿਹ ਿਗਆਨੁ ਿਧਆਨੁ ਨਹੀ ਸੂਝੈ ॥

They practice hypocrisy, and make a show before other people, but they do not understand anything about meditation or spiritual wisdom.
ਨਾਨਕ ਅੰਧੇ ਿਸਉ ਿਕਆ ਕਹੀਐ ਕਹੈ ਨ ਕਿਹਆ ਬੂਝੈ ॥
O Nanak, what can be said to the blind people? They cannot answer, or even understand what is said.

It doesn't make sense, then, does it? However, if one were to continue reading the Shabad {*nudge*}, things change a little. I take it to mean {in general, keep that in mind} that fools argue over the issue of flesh or meat, forgetting the importance of true faith and spirituality - forgetting the importance of Naam.

Whoa I just rendered this whole post useless =)

Do check out the rest of his uploads as well - the Viaakhiaa is ripped off of CD's and cannot be found anywhere else on the internet. There are valuable gems in the form of Viaakhiaa as well as Kirtan, and you can only benefit from them, so what have you got to lose?

I know a few people who are Amritdhari and continue to eat meat. Firstly, I believe the problem lies in the rehit - kuthhaa, halaal, jhatkaa, whatever you want to call it being considered okay. In Amrit Sanchaars everywhere, Panj Pyaaray instruct the brand-new Sikhs to avoid consumption of meat which is prepared in the above stated manner{s}.

Second, people use the argument that plants are living things, too. If we are allowed to consume fruits and vegetables, which live and breathe, why not animals?

I can come up with two extremely basic reasons as to why:

1) Plants don't have a nervous system. They don't feel pain. You could chop down wheat, pull an apple off a branch, a carrot out of the ground. The only effect these actions will have on any fruit or vegetable, any grain, is that the plant will stop growing.

2) Note: The following is speculation by Papa Ji. Everything is made up of elements. There are five elements, and nothing is without at least one. Plants consist of a very small number of elements, two or three, and it makes it less of a bad thing to consume this. Even Guru Ji tells us to eat only as much as necessary, and if survival is easy with a diet of plants, why consume animals? It makes no sense.

I dunno.. I just don't get it.

Anyway, please take a look at the links, and seriously consider what you read or watch. Just ignore what I wrote =)

From experience, I feel that these types of things only further motivate those who already agree with what is being stated, and have little or no effect on those who oppose them.

Sadly enough.

TR might just be back in action =)

*everybody runs away*

bhullchukmaaf
Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa Waheguru Ji Ki Fatehh !!

Monday, September 11, 2006

ਅਖੀ ਕਾਿਢ ਧਰੀ ਚਰਣਾ ਤਿਲ ਸਭ ਧਰਤੀ ਿਫਿਰ ਮਤ ਪਾਈ ॥7॥
ਜੇ ਪਾਿਸ ਬਹਾਲਿਹ ਤਾ ਤੁਝਿਹ ਅਰਾਧੀ ਜੇ ਮਾਿਰ ਕਢਿਹ ਭੀ ਿਧਆਈ ॥8॥
ਜੇ ਲੋਕੁ ਸਲਾਹੇ ਤਾ ਤੇਰੀ ਉਪਮਾ ਜੇ ਿਨੰਦੈ ਤ ਛੋਿਡ ਨ ਜਾਈ ॥9॥
ਜੇ ਤੁਧੁ ਵਿਲ ਰਹੈ ਤਾ ਕੋਈ ਿਕਹੁ ਆਖਉ ਤੁਧੁ ਿਵਸਿਰਐ ਮਿਰ ਜਾਈ ॥10॥
ਵਾਿਰ ਵਾਿਰ ਜਾਈ ਗੁਰ ਊਪਿਰ ਪੈ ਪੈਰੀ ਸੰਤ ਮਨਾਈ ॥11॥
ਨਾਨਕੁ ਿਵਚਾਰਾ ਭਿੲਆ ਿਦਵਾਨਾ ਹਿਰ ਤਉ ਦਰਸਨ ਕੈ ਤਾਈ ॥12॥

guess what, Brain?

Tuesday, September 05, 2006

Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa Waheguru Ji Ki Fateh

I'm a horrid person. Unfit to live. I should have died at birth.

This Shabad is by Bhagat Kabeer Ji in Raag Gauree on Ang 328 of Dhan Dhan Sri Guru Granth Sahib Maharaj:
gauVI kbIr jI ]
gourree kabeer jee
Gauree, Kabeer Jee:

ijh kuil pUqu n igAwn bIcwrI ]
jih kul pooth n giaan beechaaree
That family, whose son has no spiritual wisdom or contemplation

ibDvw ks n BeI mhqwrI ]1]
bidhhavaa kas n bhee mehathaaree 1
- why didn't his mother just become a widow? 1

ijh nr rwm Bgiq nih swDI ]
jih nar raam bhagath nehi saadhhee
That man who has not practiced devotional worship of the Lord

jnmq ks n muE AprwDI ]1] rhwau ]
janamath kas n muou aparaadhhee 1 rehaao
- why didn't such a sinful man die at birth? 1Pause

mucu mucu grB gey kIn bicAw ]
much much garabh geae keen bachiaa
So many pregnancies end in miscarriage - why was this one spared?

bufBuj rUp jIvy jg miJAw ]2]
buddabhuj roop jeevae jag majhiaa 2
He lives his life in this world like a deformed amputee. 2

khu kbIr jYsy suMdr srUp ] nwm ibnw jYsy kubj kurUp ]3]25]
kahu kabeer jaisae su(n)dhar saroop naam binaa jaisae kubaj kuroop 325
Says Kabeer, without the Naam, the Name of the Lord, beautiful and handsome people are just ugly hunch-backs. 325

Waheguru Ji.. saanu maaf karo.

This Shabad is by Guru Amar Daas Ji in Siree Raag on Ang 84

pauVI ]
pourree ||
Pauree:

hir AMdir bwhir ieku qUM qUM jwxih Byqu ]
har a(n)dhar baahar eik thoo(n) thoo(n) jaanehi bhaeth ||
O Lord, You are inside and outside as well. You are the Knower of secrets.

jo kIcY so hir jwxdw myry mn hir cyqu ]
jo keechai so har jaanadhaa maerae man har chaeth ||
Whatever anyone does, the Lord knows. O my mind, think of the Lord.

so frY ij pwp kmwvdw DrmI ivgsyqu ]
so ddarai j paap kamaavadhaa dhharamee vigasaeth ||
The one who commits sins lives in fear, while the one who lives righteously rejoices.

qUM scw Awip inAwau scu qw frIAY kyqu ]
thoo(n) sachaa aap niaao sach thaa ddareeai kaeth ||
O Lord, You Yourself are True, and True is Your Justice. Why should anyone be afraid?

ijnw nwnk scu pCwixAw sy sic rlyqu ]5]
jinaa naanak sach pashhaaniaa sae sach ralaeth ||5||
O Nanak, those who recognize the True Lord are blended with the True One. ||5||

Comments caught up to, will post review of RKD soon.

bhullchukmaaf.

Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa
Waheguru Ji Ki Fateh

Saturday, September 02, 2006

RKD 398263496

wowie =)

yeah i just didn't feel like leaving that as the top post. a write up to come soon, against my will, but it'll be here.

g'night all, and have a lovely day all you opposite enders =)

yay go actors and ish aunty woohoo

Thursday, August 31, 2006

Stupid Much?

Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa Waheguru Ji Ki Fateh

"The birth of Khalsa or Sikhism is deeply entwined with Punjabi poetry as almost all the Sikh Gurus were accomplished poets/musicians and created moving verses set to classical music, laying the foundation for new religious utterings combined with a quest for Punjabi identity. In a sense Guru Nanak was the first real 'Punjabi' who gave its (1) inhabitants a pride in reclaiming their separate identity."
(1) lol.

Written, I believe, by Mr. Harpaul Rana, Punjabi teacher at James Logan High School. If it is not written by him, he has made no attempt to edit or censor what he gives to his students in study materials. Which can be just as bad, because it could mean either that a) he doesn't care enough to differentiate between truth and commonly accepted fiction, or b) he agrees with what people mindlessly spit out, and what others even more mindlessly follow.

Nothing will come of complaining about it to him, and I will only receive sympathy without result from Mrs. Sarabjit Kaur Cheema Aunty Ji if I were to approach her (she organized the class at Logan).

So will I talk to her? Will I approach him and allow myself to become entangled in an argument with him in which there is no winning, not because he has better arguments, but simply because he is willing to waste unlimited time repeating one moronic argument and not take in a single word of the argument(s) the person he is speaking to is making? Will I waste my mindpower worrying about this, and breath by complaining to her or attempting to change him?

I realize that the only other option is to do nothing. What is better, to try and fail as you know is inevitable, or not try at all and feel useless? Should I sit by and save myself the trouble, letting myself think that the students aren't really paying much attention to the lesson anyway, and will not absorb any of it? Or should I remind myself that most of them already think this? Should I try my hardest and justify a failure with the words "At least I tried", and kill another bird with that stone by laying my guilty conscience to rest?

Yeah . . . school started =)

bhullchukmaaf
Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa Waheguru Ji Ki Fatehh

p.s. I'll get to comments soon - I'm acting my age as Iks Veerji has so many times admonished me to do, and being a picky, moody brat =D