Ogled
Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa Waheguru Ji Ki Fateh!
I forgot the post I was planning in my head this morning, so the one that should have come next will be first, instead.
This is a rather touchy topic, so I apologize if any sentiments are hurt, but a) I've become a bit desensitized and lost my old sense of modesty, I guess you could say {I'm much more open and, yes, mature, than I was a few years ago}, and 2) it's a topic that needs discussing in some way or form, especially because it's important to me personally.
Sometime last week, a girlfriend and I were hanging out and decided to grab a bite to eat somewhere. The day started out pretty cold, so I donned my trusty KU hoodie {which was purposely bought a size too big}, and thinking that I wouldn't be taking it off, threw on a shirt I've sort of grown out of {I've been meaning to clean out my closet for a year now, it just doesn't seem to happen.. I stand there and stare and stare and stare, but all the clothes are still there!}. Okay, sorry with the lame jokes.. Just trying not to let the topic of this post get me down. roar.
Anyway, it had gotten pretty warm, enough for me to become uncomfortable in my over-sized hoodie. I figured it was no big deal if I took it off for a while. Just long enough to walk from the parking space to Subway, get a sandwich made, and head right back. We get out of the car and walk across the parking lot, and hit the Starbucks. There are two men sitting outside at one of those little tables, and they look at us. A passing glance I understand, but these guys are looking. I'm sort of used to it, because this particular friend of mine dresses somewhat revealingly {by good-girl Indian standards at the very, very least}, so I'm used to males staring in our direction whenever I'm with her. But I was shocked to find that one of the dudes was checking ME out.
Now, I've led a sheltered life. Only been hit on by creeps {I seriously mean creeps, I'm not just calling a very nice young man a creep 'cause he came on to me}. I dress pretty conservatively in regards to how much of me can actually be seen. Heck, I hate wearing half-sleeve t-shirts! And though every girl I know says that guys will check you out even if they think you're ugly, I guess I'm just not used to it. So, like I said, I was surprised. I let it go. People are people, men are men, etc.
We walk on. We pass by the UPS store and are at Subway now, but still have to walk some distance to the door. There are three guys sitting outside in front of the Subway. The first two guys had been older, the younger one maybe early to mid-thirties, but these guys were our age, 20 at the oldest. They could NOT have made it any more obvious that they were checking the both of us out. I'm trying to leave race out of it, but I do feel that in this case, both age and race combined led to the difference in style and conspicuousness of ogling, but that's beside the point.
The point here is, despite being really covered up, I was still being checked out from head to toe by guys I don't know, and feeling pretty damn low about it. I know some women will consider it a compliment, but in most cases, it just makes me feel cheap. I knew girls in high school that wore rags and complained about guys staring at them and hitting on them, etc. I think that's just stupid. They ask why they can't dress however they want - no one's stopping you. Dress like a prostitute if you like, but then don't complain when guys look at you everywhere you go. Most of you are asking for it and then deny it to save face among the girls. Those who aren't - what do you want when you do it, then? Consider that. If you dress provocatively, you have to deal with the consequences, and I understand this.
But what about people like me? Girls who go out of their way to find clothes that they like, that also aren't revealing. Do you know how hard it is to shop around here? Find clothes with a high enough neckline, long enough arms, long enough torso, not tight or clingy or see-through. I mean, I have seriously considered {multiple times} just wearing a suit everywhere to save myself the trouble, but I really do like wearing jeans, etc.
So why am I rambling about this? Because it bothers me that no matter what I do, I have to somehow come to terms with the fact that I'm probably going to get checked out everywhere I go, and this includes Nagar Kirtans, while I'm wearing a chola {though this is a separate blog post, I think}. What will it take? Should I wear a burka? Or will guys start making up features for me then?
I don't know what I'm supposed to do. I know many, many people will say I am too modest and am overreacting, and that's fine if they think so. I can't help it - being raised in an Indian and a Sikh household, these things were not a part of my life. I've only recently started actually hanging out with friends outside of someone's house/the Guruduara Sahib, etc. My experience with the outside world was limited to high school. I know guys will say girls check them out, too, but I think less women are as obvious about it as men are. I don't. I'll be totally honest - most of the time when I'm around guys, my head is down, unless it's someone I know and am comfortable with, and even then I'm too busy being shy and looking away. I'm just weird like that, and I know I'm the exception to the rule.
*sigh* I'm exasperated. With myself for the stupid blog post, and with those men who don't care how the women they're staring at might feel. I wasn't inviting looks. I didn't ask for it. I dress carefully so as to try and avoid this situation, but I'm sure now that it never works. So what do I do? Accept this as another consequence of being born female? We seem to have a lot of those, don't we..
And I'm not trying to make it seem like women have it SO hard and that all men should feel guilty. No - I know my brothers have it rough, too. But being a woman {so weird calling myself that, I think I'll just stick to girl}, I'm worried about myself and my sisters before you all :p
Grr. My apologies for a pretty useless post.
I think I'm more interested in guys' opinions on this than the ladies'. I know what the various views of women are - I want to hear the guys' side for once.
bhullchukmaaf
Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa Waheguru Ji Ki Fateh!
